Jump
by blackdragonflower
Summary: I don't ever want to lose him. He's my life, even though I've never spoken those words aloud. And here we are standing so close. One more step and we could both topple over the edge. And I may never see him again. The pavement stained with blood... MxM
1. Mello's View

Jump by blackdragonflower

Summary: I don't ever want to lose him. He's my life, even though I've never spoken those words aloud. And here we are standing so close. One more step and we could both topple over the edge. And I may never see him again. The pavement stained with blood and a shattered young man. All I can do is pray he'll forgive me; pray he'll open his eyes so I can tell him I need him. MattxMello

Characters belong to Death Note by Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata. _Don't Jump_ belongs to Tokio Hotel

Requested by: Arina Kusajishi.

Warning: Suicide and characters may be a little OOC

A/N: Mello's POV

**:**

This is a nightmare... Don't you dare Matt! Please don't take another step... please. "Mail!" My companion who I've come to love and cherish doesn't turn to face me. I can't imagine what's running through his mind. It frightens me, and I've never been scared like I am right now. If Matt dies, what's my purpose for continuing on? Sure, there's the Kira case but without Matt here to cheer me up, to obnoxiously play videogames, to be Matt, life would be unbearable. I wouldn't achieve anything and I know it. I snarl at the thought. I've become dependent on Matt he's my morphine. The wind is chilling, nipping at my stomach and bare arms. I call to him again praying he'll answer me as I rush towards him faster and faster. It's like running in deep sand, like I'm not getting anywhere and I've been running in the same spot. "MAIL!"

The city lights are bright and glitter familiar, warm. I don't understand Mail... why? Tears run down his pale face and I want to kill him, kill him and love him. His once bright emerald eyes have dulled to near nothingness. His goggles hang limply around his neck. It's like the whole world is laughing at my efforts to stop him.

_On top of the roof  
The air is so cold and so calm  
I say your name in silence  
You don't wanna hear it right now  
The eyes of the city  
Are counting the tears falling down  
Each one a promise  
Of everything you never found_

His feet are halfway off the edge. Then he turns and gives me a smile. '_Don't jump Mail. Please don't jump.'_ I pray my mind ready to implode. His lips are stretched into a lost twisted grin that makes my stomach clench. He mouths, "I love you Mihael" and takes a step backwards, off the edge. Before I know it I hear the scream leave my throat. Time slows and I watch him fall my heart in my mouth, choking me. **"MATT!"** and only because he may never be able to listen to me again I scream after, **"I LOVE YOU! DON'T YOU DARE DIE ON ME!"** He hits the pavement with a crunch. I shiver my body trembling. Please say he's not dead yet please... We have so many memories together... Don't let go Matt. Hang on I'm coming for you. Someone screams. I remember the sound because it was high pitched and would normally annoy the hell out of me. Lucky for the screamer this wasn't a usual day... but not so lucky for me, or my lover bleeding on the pavement.

When the ambulance came I hardly registered the blaring sirens, just him and how his blood soaked my pants and the flesh of my hands. It was so red, bright and dark, viscous and made me want to vomit. This was the first time I'd ever wanted to vomit from seeing blood. Worried and a little angry with Matt I rode in the back of the ambulance mumbling prayers the whole way... Maybe it would have been better had I held his hand and lied saying I wasn't mad at him. Maybe it would have been better to say how much I would have missed him had he died, how lonely I'd be because I'd never love another like him. Confessions like that are not my style though, despite that every word would be the truth. I wonder, what pushed him over the edge? Was life just too much a stress for him, did I do something? It may be something I never know.

_I scream into the night for you  
Don't make it true  
Don't jump  
The lights will not guide you through  
They're deceiving you  
Don't jump  
Don't let memories go  
Of me and you  
The world is down there out of view  
Please don't jump_

When the doctors left I instantly wove my fingers through his. I kiss his neck, cheek, and forehead softly as silent reminders when I try I can be gentle and not so rough. I wonder if he took the plunge because of me. Lately all I've done around him is yell and rant about how bad my day was. Was his life so bad underneath that smile he always showed or that cute look of indifference as he played his videogames? I'd denied him attention and love for probably about a month, off running about and at night just collapsing in exhaustion. Yet, he was always there for me no matter what happened or how bad I'd thought my life had gotten. His gentle sweet words and touch often lulled my restless body into the swift stream of sleep. He held my hand through the toughest times. I bite my lip in fear. He can't die; I won't let him die.

The heart monitor beats steadily, annoying, frustrating, but it's better this way then one long tone that would haunt me the rest of my life. Some IVs are stick in Matt's hand and elbow. I glance outside the window and see the snow drifting down at its own leisurely pace. Sometimes I wish I was like the snow, just float where the wind takes you, but I'm not so there is no point on lingering on the thought long. I hear a groan of pain and my attention turns back to the man in the hospital bed. His eyelids open slowly and the look his face gets on it is a look of pure disbelief. He can't believe he's still alive; he looks disappointed. His emerald eyes lock on me sad, and shocked. It seems he prepares for an onslaught of yelling and screaming. I cluck my tongue like a mother scolding her baby, her dear only child. "Mattie..." With my free hand I gently rub his cheek trying to make my tone not so commanding, though it's hard. "I'm so sorry for how I've been treating you... Please just tell me and don't jump..." His eyes watered, it must have been the 'please' that especially caught his attention. I, Mihael Keehl never said please. It just didn't happen. I never had the time to say it.

_You open your eyes  
But you can't remember what for  
The snow falls quietly  
You just can't feel it no more  
Somewhere out there  
You lost yourself in your pain  
You dream of the end  
To start all over again_

His tears spill over his cheeks and I wipe them away. "Now... don't cry Mattie..." He squeezes my hand as tight as he can his shoulders trembling with unseen sobs. He extends his arms in a gesture for a hug. Unable to deny him this simple wish I close my arms around him and cradle him carefully to my chest. I bury my face into his messy red hair and let out a sigh. My heart ached quietly when he began crying. His emotion spilled like water kept behind a dam. How long had he been holding in these tears? Once his crying begins to stop I barely hear him sniffle out,

"I'm sorry Mel-Mel."

"Don't go apologizing. I don't want to hear it. Understand?"

He nodded and his arms slid from around my waist. I lowered him back on the bed and helped him get comfortable. "Mells?"

"Yeah Matt?"

"Why are you here? What about the Kira case?" He questions in a weak voice, afraid of the answer.

I reply with a slight growl, "You scared the hell out of me Mail... You made me feel like a woman..." With that the gamer chuckled a small smile appearing on his mouth for a few seconds before it disappeared again.

"And the Kira case?"

"I had more important matters to attend to." Upon hearing those words Matt's gorgeous eyes widened. His grip on my hand became very strong. Weakly he reached up and touched my cheek. He used this hold to draw me in close and before he kissed me he whispered,

"I'm really sorry Mihael... Thank you... Thanks for... holding my hand..." His kiss was sweet and it felt sinful to accept it with him in his condition. His tongue prodded at the entrance of my mouth, pawing like the stray dog in need of a home. I opened up and let him come inside inviting him warmly. It was nice. I never noticed how much I missed his warm touch, inviting, comforting. Not only was I missing out on that, in my month of keeping shall I say "clean" of Matt I had missed out on his clever wit and snappy comebacks. But most of all I realize, I missed his love. Now that I've almost lost him I realize his love was in everything he did. Every smile, laugh, pout, joke, was all a manifestation of his enduring love. And in return I'd given him next to nothing. I feel so ashamed... So I threw all my attention into this kiss, all the affection I could muster without injuring him. I want his forgiveness, I crave it, just like I crave him. He is my heroin, my nicotine and I'm addicted so dangerously to him whether he realizes this or not.

As we kiss all I can think of is how I'll strive to do better. I'll bring down Kira not only for L, but I'll succeed as an apology to Matt. And for Christ's sake I'll give him more attention and care. Matt is essential to my existence.

_I don't know how long  
I can hold you so strong  
I don't know how long_

_Just take my hand  
Give it a chance  
Don't jump_

It's been a week now since Matt's been able to return home. I watch him constantly afraid he'll try his "stunt" again. I'm working at home right now getting information from Hal, which is taken directly from Near. My leather covered fingers fly over the keys of my laptop searching through tons of information. My adorable redhead is crashed on the sofa his attention glued to the television screen. I pause a moment just watching him. He's been pretty stable since he got home from what I see. I remember the day in the hospital, right before he fell asleep he muttered, "I heard you yell for me... I love you too Mihael. It made me regret stepping off the edge."

When I really concentrate on Matt though I have to admit, he's looking, bored. Setting the laptop on the table I join him on the couch and let my head drop onto his shoulder. He tenses slightly. He was so focused on his game he hadn't noticed my movements till I was touching him. Matt gives me a smile, childish and silly. If he ever wanted to try jumping again I would gladly take his place. I would gladly.

"Are you falling asleep Mells?"

"I've had a long day... I can fall asleep if I want to."

"That so? Hm, sounds like somebody needs a nap, grouchy..." He teased with a cheerful chuckle.

I lift my head from his shoulder and growl. "Why don't you just shut up and kiss me then twit."

"Mm..." Matt smiles wider and puts the controller down so he can wrap his arms around my waist. "Sounds like a very hot situation... Trouble is... should I go in unarmed...?"

"Idiot... you're never unarmed." I smirk and capture his lips in mine hot and powerful. His replying movements are excited and passionate. I think he just found an outlet to rid himself of his boredom...

I yelp when his teeth nip a bit roughly at my neck. I hiss and tackle him. I pin him to the couch, straddling his waist his hands trapped in mine. He laughs as if I just tickled him. His laughter is so catching and soon I find myself laughing with him. Who knows what we're laughing at, but it doesn't matter. My little puppy, my angel is here with me, very much alive. I will never let him jump again.

_I scream into the night for you  
Don't make it true  
Don't jump  
The lights will not guide you through  
They're deceiving you  
Don't jump  
Don't let memories go  
Of me and you  
The world is down there out of view  
Please don't jump  
Don't jump  
And if all that can't hold you back  
I'll jump for you_

Mail Jeevas, I promise that I will be a better person to you, for you. And Mihael Keehl always keeps his promises.

**:;:**

**Here we are Arina Kusajishi, the MattxMello songfic you requested! I especially hope you liked it (since it was for you).**

**It's my pleasure to give Ghostly-Heaven credit for the nickname Mel-Mel that I am borrowing from her. And just cuz, **_**Don't Jump**_** belongs to the group Tokio Hotel. I haven't heard the song so I feel I was maybe writing a little blindly with this one, but all in all I'm happy with it. I removed some of the lyrics because I didn't feel I could use them properly with the story. Heh, I think it's kinda funny, I was listening to a song from the FMA soundtrack while writing the last bit of this. So, I hope everyone enjoyed this angsty MattxMello fic and apologize if Mello was out of character. (He always worries me... You'd think his personality would be easy to keep in character right?) Thanks for reading! Critique is always appreciated!**

**... Cookie?**

**bdf**


	2. Matt's View

Jump Part II by blackdragonflower

Part II is requested by: Riku-Aura777

Characters belong to Death Note by Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata. Spring Nicht (aka Don't Jump in German) lyrics belong to Tokio Hotel

A/N: This part of _Don't Jump_ is written in Matt's POV and the lyrics are the same as the first chapter only the German version.

--

The ground's so far below... everyone so small and insignificant... just like me. The air's cold today... it'll probably snow. Not that I'll really be here to see if I'm right or not, so I guess it doesn't matter a bit.

I take a moment to think. I wonder what Mello's up to... my dear beloved Mells. He's probably too busy, his nose buried in the Kira case to care. As long as Kira exists I am not a priority in Mello's life. I just can't live without him, and I can't live like the way we are. I can't stand to see him walk past me once more and into our room locking himself away to rot. I can't love him like this... I needed a solution... and now I've found one to fit both our needs.

"MAIL!"

Hearing his voice, calling me is like hell. I stare off into the neon lights of the city forcing myself not to look at him. I've made the decision. It'll be better for us both this way. I count the tears that drip down my face icily, one, two, three... I can't see them splatter on the pavement below me, but that's probably for the best in the end.

Über den Dächern,  
ist es so kalt,  
und so still.  
Ich schweig Deinen Namen,  
weil Du ihn jetzt,  
nicht hören willst.  
Der Abgrund der Stadt,  
verschlingt jede Träne die fällt.  
Da unten ist nichts mehr,  
was Dich hier oben noch hält.

I shuffle forwards and turn, my back to the city, my gaze to him. I'm already halfway over the edge. I smile for him, a crooked grin. This will make it all better in the end. Just, trust me this once Mihael. I mouth to him, "I love you Mihael" and took the step I couldn't see. For a moment, that split second I could not find something solid and I began the tumble, I was paralyzed with a striking fear. It soon pooled into a deep silent blue the only thing breaking through was a scream. I replayed the words in my head over and over. Matt... I love you... Don't you dare die on me... I reach up towards the roof I'd just jumped from towards his face longing to touch it once more, regretting my step. He loves me... Oh god I can't die now... My panic shoots through my body in time with a hurt I will never be able to describe. The shock of impact on cold pavement puts me out immediately. My last thoughts, _"I can't die now. He still needs me... wants me."_

Ich schrei in die Nacht für Dich,  
lass mich nicht im Stich,  
Spring nicht.  
Die Lichter fangen Dich nicht,  
sie betrügen Dich.  
Spring nicht.  
Erinner Dich,  
an Dich und mich.  
Die Welt da unten zählt nicht,  
Bitte spring nicht.

Where am I? It's so dark. In front of me is a child-size figure, cloaked in a shroud of blinding white. All I see of the face is deep purple eyes that reflect the suffering of the world. There is no voice to the being, but it -a she I'm guessing from the size of the pale hand- stops me from walking forward along an invisible path. The scythe tucked in her arm glimmers dangerously though there is no source of light to make it shine like it does. She shakes her head and without words I understand her telling me, "It's not your time. Go back. Go back and live a bit longer. Now is not your time." My feet lead themselves, turning away from her silently and changing the path to a new one. I stumbled towards a warm green light letting it surround me. Little vines twisted from the floor and my eyes widened. In front of me was a forest bleeding green everywhere. The vines on the ground grew up from their soil, a strange white soil much like a bleached sand. When they started snaking their way up my leg I was frightened but calm all at once. They glowed a soft lavender climbing their way up, and I didn't stop them. Is this... life?

I close and reopen my eyes and the world changes and I become aware of a immense pain bearing down on my body and mind. A groan escapes, I want the peace back... When I saw Mello sitting beside my bed I lost my breath. There was no way he could still want me... but I cringe waiting for something, anything to pass through his lips angrily. I blink when he clucks his tongue and rubs my cheek affectionately. His voice is hard but I can tell he is definitely trying to smoothen out the rough edges. "Mattie... I'm so sorry for how I've been treating you... Please just tell me and don't jump..." There was a pain then, so much more strong than the physical. It was choking, and hot tears blistered. Mihael never said please to anyone, never has.

I want to start over again from the beginning, before there was Kira. I want to walk the path with him, side by side, no deranged mass murderer in the way to stop us.

In Deinen Augen,  
scheint alles sinnlos und leer.  
Der Schnee fällt einsam,  
Du spürst ihn schon lange nicht mehr.  
Irgendwo da draussen,  
bist Du verloren gegangen.  
Du träumst von dem Ende,  
um nochmal von vorn anzufangen.

I can barely feel him holding my hand but I concentrate on it. He was here by my side; it makes me wonder how long he's stayed. I don't want to loose him. I just want him by my side. I can't take it anymore, holding the tears in, so I let them go. Letting the tears go hurts, but holding the things in hurts more. Gently he pulls off his leather glove and wipes them away. "Now... don't cry Mattie..." Needing to feel his arms around me I reach for him shaking as I do so. I am still weak after all. I don't care about the IVs attached to me, I want to hug him now... Mello's arms closed around me and I finally let the tears cascade in full waves, crying my heart dry.

He didn't interrupt me, say how childish crying was, or let me go, just remained quiet and let me do my business. His grip is so comforting, I've missed it dearly. Finally the river of tears begin to recede and I sniffled out, "I'm sorry Mel-Mel."

He gives me a look. "Don't go apologizing. I don't want to hear it. Understand?"

I nodded slowly letting him go. I was in so much pain. He helped me lay back down and fluffed my pillow, tucking the sheets and blanket around me afterwards. "Mells?"

"Yeah Matt?"

I dread asking this question but I have to. I have to know the answer, but my voice is weak and barely able to speak it aloud, "Why are you here? What about the Kira case?"

I winced a little when he growled. "You scared the hell out of me Mail... You made me feel like a woman..." I couldn't help but chuckle, Mello a girl? It was pretty funny but my mind lingered on the question I'd asked. He hadn't answered me.

"And the Kira case?"

He brushes the hair from his face, tucking a strand behind his ear and saying nonchalantly, "I had more important matters to attend to."

I stared at him, not able to believe the words, but finding so much love in them behind the tough tone. My hand tightens around his of its own accord and the urge to kiss him flares. My body wants to cry again, but I don't want to. Placing my trembling hand against his cheek I drew his face close to mine before murmuring quietly, "I'm really sorry Mihael... Thank you... Thanks for... holding my hand..." Then I pressed my lips to his letting my tongue wander to brush against his mouth, hoping he'd let me come in, wishing desperately for it. I was surprised he didn't pull away, but let me inside. After all, public displays of affection were _not_ his thing. And even if someone wasn't in the room, they could so easily walk in... and knowing these crazy places there were probably some hidden cameras.

Gently he tangles his fingers into my red hair massaging my scalp. I groan softly. I hope he forgives me for doing that... for jumping off the edge. I'll never do it again. It's not worth it... the pain... and I know even if I'd happened to go to heaven or wherever it is... I'd never be happy unless Mihael was by my side.

Ich weiss nicht wie lang,  
Ich Dich halten kann.  
Ich weiss nicht wie lang.

Nimm meine Hand,  
wir fangen nochmal an.  
Spring nicht.

One week. I've been home for one week. Things are the same as they use to be for the most part. Only little things have changed, but they make me so much happier. I've gotten yelled at once or twice, but I could only grin widely and try not to laugh. You never realize how much you miss things like that until they're gone and you don't have them anymore. The game controller vibrates in my hand a part of me, like a heartbeat. I haven't set the thing down for hours. Mello's doing something on his laptop, for the Kira case. I've realized that I can't stop him from pursuing Kira, so we compromised. And that is my little secret. I don't think he knows that I sneak little glances his way while I'm playing. The only people playing online tonight are noobs anyways, so they don't require as much attention. Me and the two or three other vets. are whooping their butts real good. I've only died once or twice, but those kids just got lucky shots.

The game's starting to get old though. You can only destroy and crush noobs for so long... I tense feeling Mello's head drop onto my shoulder. I hadn't noticed he'd gotten up, I think too much. I grinned wide deciding to be a bit of a tease, for fun ya know? "Are you falling asleep Mells?"

He groans. Despite his trying not to act tired, I can tell he is. He can't fool me. I guess he sensed this because he retorted back with, "I've had a long day... I can fall asleep if I want to."

I chuckled loving his attitude, "That so? Hm, sounds like somebody needs a nap, grouchy..." I poked him in the side.

He growled at me, moving his head so his glare very convincingly. I was surprised at what he did say next. "Why don't you just shut up and kiss me then twit." Seriously where did that come from? But this kind of thing is what I love the most about Mells. I licked my lips.

"Mm..." I leaned closer to him, after putting the controller aside, and wrapped my arms around his waist. He was so cute right now. "Sounds like a very hot situation... Trouble is... should I go in unarmed...?"

My blondie smirks. It looks like he's got something diabolical fluttering up there in his mind. "Idiot... you're never unarmed." I was excited when his mouth encased mine. He hadn't let me kiss him like this in awhile because he said it'd 'mess me up in my condition'. Grabbing his neck I pull him closer, and let my other hand wander his body. Breaking away from his lips I bit at his neck playfully, enjoying myself thoroughly.

He hissed and pressed me down into the couch, straddling my waist, and keeping my hands confined so they couldn't create mischief. But the look on Mello's face is too much. I break down laughing my butt off just wanting to kiss him all over and huggle him tight. Soon he joins me, for a reason unknown, which only makes me laugh more. I know, as I've always known but chose to ignore, that Mihael Keehl has loved me. He always has, always will. And I promise him I'll never jump again.

Ich schrei in die Nacht für Dich,  
lass mich nicht im Stich  
Spring nicht.  
Die Lichter fangen Dich nicht,  
sie betrügen Dich.  
Spring nicht.  
Erinner Dich,  
an Dich und mich.  
Die Welt da unten zählt nicht,  
Bitte spring nicht.

Spring nicht.  
Und halt Dich das auch nicht zurück.  
Dann spring ich für Dich.

**-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --**

**Oh my. This was a lot of fun to write. Once I started going I just couldn't stop! This is Matt's side of Jump, so the story was a lot the same, but I hope it was different enough for everyone that it was worth the effort of reading it. Riku-Aura777 wanted to know what Matt must have been thinking while he was doing the deed and the further reasonings behind it. I hope I've answered that well enough for everyone. :)**

**Also, I chose the German lyrics of the song for part two because I thought it would help change it up and yet keep it the same. It was for fun... I'm sorry if it messed anyone up. :chuckles: As I said at the beginning of part two, the lyrics are in the same places and are exactly what they are in part one. **

**  
Thanks so much for reading this fic! Hope you all enjoyed part two!**

**blackdragonflower**


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